I've lived the past 33 years of my life believing many lies about myself and others. I believed that my self-worth was directly related to my productivity, what I said, and how others viewed me. Such a belief caused me to carry the weight of anxiety, stress, and perfectionism upon my shoulders. The lie took away from my inability to experience joy and hindered true connection with others. I carried a very critical spirit towards others inwardly. At times the weight was so pressing that I was literally brought to me knees. Although I looked to God for directions in my life, my bigger god was perfectionism.
I was blind to see my idol worship, because it came packaged in the form of "good works." I was blind to see that my desire to work hard, preform, please others, and live an exhausted life was wrong. Those desires were all cultural and inflated my self-worth. I was lost, yet believed I was saved. I believed I was living an obedient life that was pleasing to God, because of the way that it was package. I hit a point in life where I could no longer hold the shield of perfectionism. The shield was so heavy that the weight was crushing me.
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